Conflicting Parts
by kidswooper
Summary: A speculation of what could happen following the defeat of Rumple if Emma were to absorb his power. Warning for implied potential suicide. Written after 4x17.


It was never meant to end like this. In all the scenarios that Regina had mulled over during her stint playing villain again, her mind had never conjured up an end result where somebody good might actually die. She had been determined to do her best to make sure everyone came out of this mess in one piece, and if killing the villains was avoidable than she would do that, too. That had been the goal but things had gone so, so wrong. If anyone was going to die then it was going to have been Regina, she was sure of it. A penance for her evil past, a last great sacrifice like the one she had attempted to make in the mine before Emma's added power saved them all. Regina was the one putting herself in danger, it only made sense that her life be taken if it came down to it. But then again, rarely does anything go to plan for Regina. And so there she sat behind the wheel of Emma's infernal car speeding toward the line hoping that she wasn't too late, knowing that simply magically appearing would be likely to startle Emma in to doing something stupid.

The journey was one being made alone, Regina hadn't bothered to waste time warning the others after she had found her letter. The one written in barely readable, shaky scribbles on a scrap of paper ripped out from some notebook without precision. There had been two other pieces of paper on her kitchen counter, but Regina had left them both there for later. Hopefully they wouldn't be needed.

Emma Swan was easily the most infuriating being that Regina had ever met. In any land or of any gender, race or species; Emma Swan took the title of being Regina's chief frustration. An impressive feat, really. But there was nothing that Emma, or anyone else for that matter, had ever done that made Regina so thoroughly panicked. Regina's note had been somewhat vague but the intent behind the words was clear, at least to Regina. Emma had given up, she didn't want to fight anymore. When Emma had first been corrupted by darkness, Regina had done all she could to keep the woman from utterly losing herself but it was all for nothing. Gold had lost control of his humanity, had become the Dark One once more. The cruel twisted creature that had inhabited him directly following his son's departure that would listen to no reason in his quest to destroy everyone responsible for denying him his happy ending. There was little Regina could do to stop the irrational savior from taking the Dark One's dagger in a spur of the moment act of heroism and running the imp through with it.

As the rule of the dagger goes, whoever vanquishes the Dark One absorbs the power. Emma was no different, her mind slowly catching up to what she had done. Regina had been on her knees about to be killed herself and so had been right there when Emma's name slowly carved itself in to the twisted silver blade, her hands shaking with horror. They were the only two close enough to see what had happened to Gold, enveloped in his stormy cloud of magic both trying to stop him, they had been concealed from the others. It had taken Regina a split second to rise to her feet and stash the dagger within her coat, where she proceeded to tell the Charmings that she and Emma had managed to kill Gold and destroy the dagger. Of course the heroes believed her, they were always so quick to believe the easiest solution to anything. Emma had kissed Henry's forehead and even kissed Hook, but neither had apparently quelled the new darkness swirling in Emma. Perhaps because in this world, not everything can be fixed with True Love. Sometimes you just have to work for it.

Hours had passed as people celebrated the end of the Dark One, the man that had caused so many so much pain. No one had had any idea that Emma had been marked by the dagger's power, so when Emma sold a story to David about getting some air only Regina could sense that something was off while no one was worried. Taking Emma's bug that had been left at the apartment, Regina snuck away to search for the savior to no avail before arriving at her own home upon the off chance that the woman had gone there. Instead of finding Emma, however, all Regina came across were those notes most likely written on paper from one of Regina's own notepads from the study. And so Regina was speeding as fast as the yellow car would take her, the engine already making a rather sickening sound in protest to Regina's heavy foot.

At first, Regina didn't spot anything ahead of her at the town line. It took her a moment longer to process that someone stood in the very middle of the road. Blue jeans, red leather jacket and golden hair shifting ever so slightly in a low breeze. The bug skidded to a crunching halt across the road, Regina barely stopped before she was wrenching the keys from the ignition and slowly getting out.

With her back to Storybrooke, Emma was utterly still. The dagger hung by her side from her left hand while her right was occupied by her gun. Regina licked her lips, eyes darting from one weapon to the next as she hesitantly moved forward. "Emma," she spoke quietly, just barely loud enough to announce her proximity to Emma.

Silence hung tense between them, Regina staring at a point between Emma's shoulder blades and waiting. Finally, leather covered shoulders deflated with a deep exhale and Emma's profile came in to view. Her green eyes met Regina's briefly before she turned around more fully to face her, chin tucked in to her chest and eyes closed but not looking all that surprised.

"You got my note?" Regina winced at the harsh croak in Emma's voice, the way her tone rose and shook unsteadily as though she might burst in to tears at any moment. 'I thought I had more time. That you would all be too distracted by each other to notice,' Emma continued in a voice that was hardly any better.

Regina eyed the weapons quickly, her mind racing to think of some solution to get them away from Emma without hurting the woman or causing her to lash out with magic. "You are not nearly as tactful as you think you think you are, dear," she said, making an effort to sound as calm and normal as possible. 'What are you doing out here, Emma?'

A ghostly smile flickered quickly across pale lips, though the expression was void of any humor as Emma met Regina's gaze. Pain and hurt swirled in the deep green orbs, masked by Emma's empty expression and spiteful next words. "If you read the note then you already know, don't you? I'm abandoning all of you. I'm running away just like you always thought I would in the end. You were right," she frowned then, as though caught up in her own statement. 'You were right about a lot of things, actually. I should have given you more credit.'

"Talking in the past tense is useless, Emma. Whatever you had planned, it isn't going to happen," Regina replied evenly before opting for a slightly softer approach. 'We can go back and none of them will ever know about this, I promise you. I'll burn those letters myself and for now, we don't have to tell them about the dagger if that's what you wish.'

At the mention of the blade, Emma visibly paled, glancing down at the dagger that now bore her name. A name that Regina had rued for so long. "It won't matter whether or not they know what I did. I was dangerous before, with all of that darkness. Even without being the new Dark One, I'm a monster. True Love's kiss won't even work," Emma murmured with a look of resignation. 'I just can't decide which one...' she trailed off.

"What are you...?" Regina's voice trailed off, a frown having burrowed its way on to her forehead as Emma's gently whispered words washed over her. Her gaze fell, coming to land firstly upon the dagger but secondly-and most importantly-the gun in Emma's opposite hand and Regina's frown instantly fell away. 'Emma, no,' she whispered, Emma's true intent sinking in.

A sad smile greeted Regina's words. "I know that I have to leave but I just...I know that if I cross that line that I won't have any magic or power. But I'll still have these feelings and maybe I want to escape them, too. I don't know..." Emma mused quietly. 'All magic comes with a price, right? Gold paid his, maybe it's time I finally paid mine and then no one ever has to worry about a Dark One again.'

Anger bubbled up Regina's throat, hissing past her teeth in the form of a furious whisper before she could think to stop them. "You are such a typical hero! All that pride, pain and stubbornness rolled up in to one egotistical package of angst," she snapped, her considerably louder voice immediately capturing Emma's full attention now, that impassive expression finally giving way to reveal a moment of surprise.

Though that frighteningly blank expression didn't return, Emma's surprise melted away in a more natural expression, leaving the blonde looking slightly more like her old self. "I'm not a hero, Regina," she said very seriously, like Regina was actually Henry attempting to give her a speech about hope and how the heroes always win.

Regina shook her head, her exasperation serving to calm her tone. "No. Instead, you manage to be an actual human being that never had to go along with magic or fate like I did. You're real, Emma. You have real feelings; conflicting parts of you that make up the greater whole," she said, watching green eyes dart away from her own and toward the trees. 'Everyone has a balance of good and bad in them. You are not the hero that everyone wants you to be, but you are not evil. You are still good,' Regina finished earnestly, willing Emma's superpower to see that she meant every word.

"I killed him," Emma whispered, staring at one particular section of the tree line as though she was really talking to a person standing there and not to Regina right in front of her, though her voice was so deathly quiet it barely carried the six feet between them. 'I can feel the darkness...I can feel that I'm like him. That I'm the Dark One,' Emma said with trembling lips.

The woman's façade was beginning to crumble, tears welling in Emma's eyes though she refused to let them fall. It wasn't the first time that Regina had ever seen her emotional, but it was the first time that the emotion scared her. Because she saw so much of herself in the smaller of Emma's actions. The way her breath hitched as though she was too scared to breathe properly, hands tightening and loosening where they held their individual weapons and that swirling darkness that was threatening to consume Emma from the inside out. This final trait was particularly familiar to Regina.

Taking a cautious step forward, Regina ensured that the move bought Emma's focus back to her, the blonde's own body twitching back toward the line but her feet remained in the same spot for now. "I would wager that I knew the Dark One better than anyone, his own son included. I know exactly what the Dark One looks like and it is not what I see right now. If you were truly the Dark One, you wouldn't even want to run, you would want to flex that power. Your goodness is stopping it, there is still plenty we can salvage in you, Emma. You cannot let it control you," Regina insisted, wringing her hands in front of her body.

Emma shook her head, "No, there isn't."

"You're stronger than the rest of us are. You could never rely on a magical solution to fix all your problems and there isn't one now as much as I wish that I had one for you. But you survived twenty eight years without any magic at all, you did that alone facing who knows what. You can still fight now," Regina replied, beginning to think that she should have called someone. She didn't know if she could talk Emma off this ledge alone, whichever ledge that it was.

A moment passed, Emma pressing her lips together to force back whatever emotions were fighting to be free of her. And then her shoulders sagged with resignation, a raspy sob gasping past her lips but the tears still refusing to fall.

Emma shook her head adamantly, "I can't live like this, Regina. This...feeling in me. Like everything that ever hurt me is inside, attacking me all at once but amplified. I don't breathe in the air, I breathe in spite and anger...I'm so angry. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of this huge ocean all alone," her breath caught, and she hastily looked away. 'And I don't know how to swim, Regina. I'm drowning.'

Biting her lip, Regina cleared her throat as quietly as she could manage, it wouldn't help to calm Emma down if Regina herself became a mess. "Very soon someone else is going to find those letters, or I can call them, and they will all be here. Your parents, Henry, your brother and Killian and whoever else hears that you're planning on doing this. You know they'll come running."

"I don't want them to," Emma admitted, almost shamefully.

Sighing, Regina looked away to where the town line was painted just a few inches behind Emma, "I'm already here, and I won't walk away from you," Regina murmured adamantly.

Suddenly, Emma frowned, grabbing hold of a sudden thought in her mind. "Don't be with Robin because some crazy ass fairy dust said he was your soul mate. Not everyone's soul mate is a romantic one. You're a strong woman, you shouldn't live your whole life being a puppet with somebody else pulling the strings. Gold is gone now, you're finally free from him. Too much of your life has been decided by someone else. If Robin is what you want, then that will be your decision and no one else's," Emma finished with a decisive nod, though she avoided looking at Regina the entire time.

"What I want..." Regina sighed, waiting a few seconds for Emma to timidly meet her gaze again. 'Is for you to give me both of those things and come home.'

Green eyes blinked, "Home," Emma repeated in an echo, like the word was totally foreign to her.

With a nod, Regina hoped that the reminder of a loving home would be enough to convince Emma that she was still wanted. Still needed. Although, Regina's calm voice was a stark contrast to the hammering in her chest. "We can help you. You won't be alone, there will always be someone there who loves you and will support you. We won't let you become Rumplestiltskin, even if that were possible, and I'm quite confident that it isn't," she said truthfully.

It was unlikely that any of Emma's feelings would be solved any time soon, but Regina knew Emma. And no matter how much darkness she was capable of, Emma was simply not capable of becoming anything remotely like Gold had been. Or even like Regina or the other Queens of Darkness. Emma's moral compass, in the end, would always be too strong.

"I don't want to hurt anyone," Emma breathed out, like it was a confession.

Regina shook her head, "You won't," she replied confidently.

A short, emotionless bark of laughter instantly greeted her words and Regina tensed at the sudden hostile look on Emma's face. A little sadistic smile that barely lifted the very corners of her lips up in to an almost sneer. "I already have," she reminded Regina, referring to the earlier incident with Hook.

If Regina hadn't been so concerned with calming Emma down after she had blasted Hook thirty yards away from her when he reached out toward her following Gold's demise, then Regina probably would have found the whole thing funny. Perhaps, once Emma was no longer holding any form of weapon and inches from the town line she might allow herself an indulgent smirk at the pirate's expense.

Currently, though, her focus was simply Emma. "Hook wasn't your fault, you and I both warned him not to come near you and he didn't listen. He only has himself to blame," Regina replied, lifting her chin indignantly.

For a long moment, Emma simply watched Regina without so much as blinking. Performing some sort of silent assessment. Honestly, Regina had felt less analyzed beneath the gazes of those there to witness her execution than she did in that moment.

Finally, Emma's eyes softened, her two seconds of scrutiny over with. "I met you, in the Enchanted Forest. I met the Evil Queen and I saw what you were like. I thought...in my version of it, where I messed everything up, I thought I saw you kill my mom. I thought she was dead but my opinion of you didn't change afterward. You, who you are right now, was still just Regina to me," she shrugged nonchalantly at the simple conclusion before glancing away with a guilty expression. 'When I got back we were so caught up in having Marian here and then Elsa and Ingrid that I never got to tell you that I don't think you're a monster. I know I said that you were, in Neverland. But...you're a person. Just a human being made of conflicting parts that make up the whole,' she said with a small smile, echoing what Regina had said just minutes earlier.

No matter how much she wanted to, Regina couldn't bring herself to return the smile. Emma had only ever known her as Regina for so long and had drawn so many conclusions about the Evil Queen from the book and from others, and even though she had come face to face with the true Evil Queen and even witnessed the apparent murder of her own mother, Emma still believed in her. It was more than Regina deserved, no matter how redeemed she might be. She didn't deserve the belief from someone like Emma, whose happiness she had destroyed just as much if not more than anyone else's.

Biting her bottom lip, Regina found herself struggling to maintain her own composure now. Every word that was falling from Emma's lips sounded far too much like a goodbye. "Emma, you cannot leave your parents. Your brother...Henry-"

"You'll take good care of him, you did it before," Emma interjected smoothly, still smiling slightly. 'And you'll have my parents to help you out if you need them.'

Regina rolled her eyes, the familiar movement enforcing a small amount of confidence back in to her tone as she replied. "Because he took so well to my raising him alone the first time," she scoffed, actually managing to drag a short chuckle out of Emma and so Regina pressed on. 'Henry is the person he is because of the people who raise him. He is who he is because of both of us; and your parents and even Neal. You can't do this to him, don't leave him,' she said, knowing that it was a dirty tactic to play.

But it didn't have the effect that Regina thought it might. Emma's smile merely slipped away but whatever guilt she felt was kept well hidden. They both knew that Henry was going to take this harder than anyone else, and they both knew that it was going to be a struggle for Regina to go back to raising him alone. It wasn't what Regina wanted. She wanted that partnership with Emma, they were a team.

With a roll of her shoulders, Emma stared back over Regina's shoulder down the deserted road. "Better to leave him than accidentally kill him," she reasoned bluntly, causing Regina to flinch reflexively at the very thought of Henry dying.

"Emma-" Regina's arguments died on her tongue as a pair of strong arms suddenly wrapped around her middle, the familiar smell of caffeine and cinnamon that seemed to follow Emma everywhere assaulting Regina's senses. There wasn't a single beat of hesitation as Regina's own arms wound themselves around Emma, doing her best to crush the woman to her in the hope that she might not be able to escape the hold.

There was a hard, metallic noise as the gun was evidently dropped somewhere behind Regina, but the dagger was still very much so in Emma's possession. "Take care of Henry, and take care of yourself. You're important, too. You are good, Regina, so good and honest. You deserve to be happy," she murmured close to Regina's ear, pulling back just far enough to briefly press her lips to Regina's left temple.

Swallowing hard, Regina waged war against the onslaught of emotion that was threatening to overtake her as she stared up the short height difference in to Emma's eyes. "Then don't do whatever it is you're going to do. Emma, please, please. Don't go, " she said, unashamed to resort to begging as Emma put a few feet between them.

Face ashen with grief, Emma closed her eyes to avoid Regina's own. "Henry will probably try leave to find me-"

"Everyone will," Regina interrupted firmly.

But Emma merely rolled her shoulders in a careless, knowing shrug. "They won't be able to. I destroyed the scroll already so they wouldn't be able to get back in even if they did find me," she said simply.

Regina's body slumped with the defeat, the scroll had been her back up. Chase Emma down once she crossed the line and bring her back, Mary Margaret and David would want to come with her, at the very least. And they would have needed the scroll to come back, almost everyone in town would have.

"Emma..." Regina's eyes closed as she spoke the word, and when she managed to open them again she found that the blonde before her had bowed her head against the desperate, rasping voice that Regina had just been relegated to using.

Speaking through tightly pressed together lips, Emma forged ahead in spite of Regina's quiet protests. "Aside from Henry, you're going to be the only one that come and go from Storybrooke and I'm begging you...please, don't try to follow me," she said.

Their eyes met, Regina's resolve strengthening with what she deemed as a challenge being thrown down before her. "I will," she swore firmly. 'I will drag you back the moment you stop across that line.'

A genuine smile greeted the words that were far more like old Regina than the trembling, afraid person she was becoming when faced with the prospect of Emma leaving. "I'm really glad that you're my friend, Regina. I'm sorry that I was such a bitch to you when I first got here and pretty much on and off ever since. I'm sorry for a lot of things, I don't have the words to...to thank you or to..." Emma cut herself off with a strangled gasp, her smile having given way to an expression of pure distress. 'I'm so sorry, Regina. For everything. And I hope that this isn't forever, that I can get myself better and get rid of the dagger out in the world. Then maybe I could come back but...I hope you can forgive me for doing this one day, but I wouldn't if I was you,' she said, a sob wracking at her chest.

Without thinking, Regina stepped forward, their arms easily winding around one another in what should have still felt like an alien embrace but somehow didn't. It was warm and safe, both hanging on to each other impossibly tight that they might fall apart without the extra help.

Forehead resting upon Emma's shoulder, Regina fought to regulate her breathing enough to speak, though her throat ached with the suppressed urge to cry. "You have nothing to apologize for. All of this is my fault in the first place but I'm glad that it led me here to Henry and to you and the beginning of deciding my happy ending for myself. You're the...I need you," Regina admitted with a sob. 'I cannot let you leave.'

The arms around Regina tightened for so long that Regina lost track of time, and she could feel the indecision within Emma the longer than the hug went on. But those arms loosened, and this time a pair of lips pressed a kiss to Regina's cheek before Emma backed away. "You don't have a choice," Emma said, almost inaudible as she moved away, her spare hand finding Regina's right. 'Be great, Regina,' Emma said with soft, kind smile.

"Emma, no!" Regina cried, rushing forward knowing that the line posed no threat to her just as it hadn't during the first curse.

Without pausing, Emma slowly waved one hand out in front of her, her smile all too knowing as she cast the silent spell that froze Regina in place and they were forced to let go of each other's hands.

Aside from not being able to move, Regina was still fully able to see and hear what Emma was doing. Thunder rolled high above them, the sound fitting the mood just as Emma crossed the line and came to a stop. Her shoulders fell with the instant relief of not having to contend with the powers of the Dark One, but it was evident that the dark feelings were still there.

Licking her lips, Emma forced out a sad smile. "Please make sure that Henry knows how much I love him, and that I will see him again, once I'm better. Henry, you, my parents...Ruby and August..." she trailed off, eyes flicking to where she had just been able to see Regina though she would be unable to see anything now. Nothing but an empty road ahead of her. 'I love all of you. Don't ever forget it, Regina.'

Clenching the dagger in hand, Emma waited a beat before turning on her heel and sprinting off toward the tree line with nothing but the clothes on her back leaving Regina just on the other side of the line. Regina focused her mind in order to reverse the freezing effect on her before she staggered forward across the line where she quickly broke in to a sprint in the direction that Emma had run.

Already at a disadvantage with no magic and in heels while Emma wore boots, Regina's exposed calves were cut up by low hanging branches that she had to push through. Every time Regina called out Emma's name the sound was carried away with the growing wind, her voice echoing back off the trees toward her and never bringing back the person she was calling for. All Regina managed was to catch sight of a blur of red cutting even further in to the woods and a flash of bright blonde before there was nothing at all.

"Emma!" Regina said, the name ripping itself from her throat with such force that Regina was certain she could taste blood. 'Emma,' Regina repeated in a whimper, collapsing in to the ground beneath her, knees smacking hard in to its surface. Alone amongst the trees with nothing but her own despair and the pelting, oversized raindrops for company.

It was impossible for Regina to really know how long she knelt there in the deteriorating forest floor beneath her, dirt having long given way to sloppy mud with the rain. The drops were too loud, each a painful vibration of a reminder of what Regina had lost. They blended seamlessly with Regina's tears, the ones that cascaded down her cheeks as sobs wracked through her body. Eventually the rain eased in time with these sobs, the darkness of the middle of the night around Regina ushering in the light of a new day. Regina hadn't noticed the time tick by until she heard the chirping of birds and opened her eyes. There was no more rain, everything around Regina was so bright and green it was painful to look at. It might have even looked beautiful, Henry would enjoy it.

The reminder of Henry's existence floated strangely through Regina's mind as she remembered that on the other side of the town line there would undoubtedly be a very concerned young man. Both of his mothers had disappeared overnight without a word, perhaps he would have found Emma's note by then. Regardless, Regina needed to be with him.

Summoning more strength than she thought she was capable of, Regina forced her aching knees in to a standing position. Hunched over by a tree, her legs refused to operate quite like normal after being kept in the same position for so long and so Regina's progress back to the road was a slow one. She moved from tree to tree, unable to feel her feet properly so that she dragged them through the damp mud without a second thought for the expensive boots she wore. And when she finally managed to make it back to the abandoned road, Regina had no choice but to fall forward without anything to support her and make the undignified decision to crawl back toward Storybrooke.

With absolutely no doubt that there would be people on the other side of the line, Regina wasn't at all surprised when a hand tightly grasped her own that had just barely gotten past the paint. Her body was pulled forward so that her tired legs didn't have to work, and Regina allowed herself to stagger directly in to the waiting grasps of David and Mary Margaret. There were so many voices surrounding Regina with so many questions, all of them repeating the same name over and over. Emma.

Henry was there in front of her, a familiar piece of paper scrunched tightly in his left hand as he stared from Regina to the vacant road ahead of them. Tears welled in Regina's eyes in the same moment that they appeared in Henry's, the young man realizing what had happened and without a word, he strode forward and in to Regina's arms.

They stayed like that, the four of them, silently grieving. "She loves you," Regina whispered hoarsely, to who, she wasn't sure but they all needed to hear it. 'She's doing this for all of us and she loves us.'


End file.
